EN Dobson ([info]sableantelope) wrote,
@ 2008-10-13 10:20:00
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Amy "Ameya" Denise Dobson(Kazamidori)
June 13th 1982 - October 13th 2008

Life support was ended yesterday, she passed away this morning at 9:00 am.

I have to be a thousand time strronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm only half a person. I've lost my twin sister. I'm alone for the first time since concieved.

The one good thing is the disease that made herlife a living hell,crippled her body and caused her agony all the time ended her life mercifiully. Her brain died instantly. We tried to keep her body alive until we knew she was gone. And she's gone.

I don't how to live anymore. I said I wanted to write her obitury, to try and let the world know what a special person it's lost at only 26 but now it's choking me. It feels like pieces are being pulled off me one by one and the pain jus doubles and triples and...I've just been throwing up white foam. It's too much to try and handle.

I wanted to let her friends online know early because most of you live away and if you want to come to the memorial youll have to travel. Pasha, Kristen(Tallon), Eric Wade are tjepeople I'm really trying to get in touch iwth. Air I'll call you again.

Our phone number is 902 435 1267 but qw can't realy ahndle just talking right now so if you ant to just talk than please let me post when I'm able to handle that. Right now I just want to handle information anout the location, time, directions to get from the airport(Halifax International). etc. to her memorial

I know it's still surreal but I already miss her. Her empty room and just thememeories of how she was when I found jer. iknew she was gone. I could feel it. I can always feel her theer, we had that true twin link. But now it's this empty horrible hole. I have to be srong for my parentsbut I don'tnow.

My only peace is knowing how down hill she had been the past three months and how much pain was always in.

She was the bravest person I eve knew an I will always, always love her.

(48 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]hunter_san
2008-10-13 02:52 pm UTC (link)
She's one of the people I admired most online. Thank you for letting us know.

-Weaver

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[info]julian_wilbury
2008-10-13 03:21 pm UTC (link)
...I'm not sure I know what to say. This is shocking to say the least.

...I know I'm going to miss her. But I can barely imagine what you must be going through.

Iffen you ever want to talk to a grumpy scruffball like me, just say the word. My telephone line is hooked up by cable and it costs the same to call Canada as it does my home town. Just say the word.

Stay strong. <3

~Sharon F

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[info]offside_element
2008-10-13 03:32 pm UTC (link)
...I don't even know what to say. The words 'I am so sorry for your loss' sound so empty and without feeling.

I really admired her strength and courage. Like everyone has said, I'm going to miss her too. I don't know if that makes it better or worse...but I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now *hugs*.

If there's anything I can do from here or if you ever want to talk, just let me know. Take care, stay strong...we're all thinking of you.

- Megan (SF)

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[info]whimsyfawkes
2008-10-13 03:33 pm UTC (link)
I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry, so sorry for your loss.

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[info]cleargreenwater
2008-10-13 04:13 pm UTC (link)
I'm so sorry. I'm deeply shocked and heartsick for all of you. Ameya was a beautiful person, I can't believe she's gone and I can't image the depth of your loss.

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[info]bloophoenix
2008-10-13 07:26 pm UTC (link)
. . .I'm completely and utterly lost for words. I feel like anything I say would just sound empty, but I will try. All I can say is how so very, very sorry I am. Ameya was an amazing person. You have my utmost sympathy and you'll be in my thoughts. Stay strong.

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[info]estarial
2008-10-14 12:29 am UTC (link)
I keep staring at this and crying and not knowing what to do or say. I can't believe she's gone. It's like there's a missing place where she always was. Ameya is amazing. She had such a positive outlook on life and I know, without a doubt, that she made me a better person. I can't believe she's gone. And what's worse, is that this horror and pain I'm feeling, is infinitely worse for you and your family. I so wish there were something I could do to rewind this, and make it not so. Ameya was one of the very best people I ever have known and she was the most incredible friend. It seems so unfair that she's gone, especially when she gave so much. But she really has made me a better person and I'll take that with me forever, and I will never forget her and what she did for me. As you said, I love Ameya and nothing will ever change that.

I'm at school, and I don't think I'll be able to get to Halifax. I really wish I could be there though. I know the last thing you want to be dealing with right now is petty requests, but do you think you could give me your address? If I cannot put a stone on her grave myself, I'd like to send something little to her, so she knows that she's in my thoughts, always, even if I can't be physically visiting her.

I can't even get my mind around this. I just keep choking up. Ameya is such a wonderful person--a gift to the world. All my heart goes out to her, you, and your parents. But especially you. I can't even fathom the heartbreak you are feeling. I love you and if there is anything I can do, I will do everything in my power. Take so much care of yourself, Nancy.

I'm not one for posting lyrics, but these seem so appropriate:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

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[info]estarial
2008-10-14 12:34 am UTC (link)
I need to talk to the housing desk about getting the block on international calls removed on the phone in my dorm, but my number is 650-497-6733 and I will try to call ASAP to get details and see if I can get there.

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[info]azianwolfdoll
2008-10-14 03:00 am UTC (link)
My deepest sympathy goes out to you & your family in this time of loss, Nancy. I wish I were as eloquent as Pasha, but she pretty much said my sentiments, as well. I'll always remember Ayame as a loving, sweet, friendly, joyful person, in spite of what she was going through. Even now, it's obvious that she's still loved by many & surely will never be forgotten.

You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. All my love to you...

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[info]saitenyo
2008-10-14 03:30 am UTC (link)
I'm so sorry EN, and so shocked. My heart goes out to you. SHe was a wonderful person and I will miss her.

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[info]beeweecatcher
2008-10-14 04:04 am UTC (link)
I am so sorry to hear this. I had no idea her health was failing her so soon. Her outlook on life was so positive in spite of what she faced--that's what I always remember when I think of her.

Take care, my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Abby

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[info]miaor
2008-10-14 04:29 am UTC (link)
I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. I keep reading this post and can barely register the fact that Ameya's really gone. She was, no, still is one of the strongest people I've had the pleasure of interacting with. Despite the terrible illness that's plagued her, I couldn't feel anything but awe and admiration at every single Livejournal post she's written. She always managed to see the best of every situation, and, above that, put the concerns of others before her own.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I've heard that the connection between twins is stronger than that of any other type of relationship. And while that may mean that it hurts even more, I believe it also means that Ameya's lasting memory will stay with you even longer and stronger. *hugs* Please accept my condolences, though I wish I could offer you more than just that...

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[info]eonii
2008-10-14 04:50 am UTC (link)
I never know what to say about these things. I feel really bad about not keeping up with her very well or even having any idea that she was sick; she was such a nice person and it makes me really sad, and shocked, to hear about this. And I can't even begin to imagine how you and your family feel, and I just hope you can get through this as best you can.

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[info]cjakatala
2008-10-14 04:50 am UTC (link)
I'm so sorry =( And I was in Halifax just over a week ago...=( Rest in peace my friend...I can't tell you how sorry I am...*hug*

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[info]dreamaria
2008-10-14 04:57 am UTC (link)
I am truly sorry for your loss. Like many others, I never know what to say when things like this happen. Just please know that you will all be in my thoughts, and that Ameya will certainly be missed. She was a friend to us all.

*hugs*

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[info]alaitallon
2008-10-14 04:58 am UTC (link)
I am honestly at a loss for words. I've been sobbing off and on ever since reading this (and hearing it first from SW77's journal, since it was the newest one on my Friends List). I'm just in so much shock. Part of me refuses to believe it, to grasp it . . .

This is seriously probably the worst news I've ever gotten. I consider Ameya a very dear friend of mine, even though we fell out of touch in more recent years. I can honestly say she was one of the nicest, kindest, most loving people I have ever had the pleasure to know, both online or offline. She was one of my very best friends. I loved her. I still do, so very very much. I'm honestly feeling physically sick with grief. I can only imagine how you and your family must feel.

This just breaks my heart. I always knew she was ill, but I never truly realized how life-threatening or serious her illness was. She and I didn't speak of it much because we usually preferred to talk about the nicer things in life. She always had a wonderful outlook on life . . . one that always inspired me to be better.

I'm currently living in Buffalo, so I'm checking out my options about making it over there. So far, the prices are pretty prohibitive, but I'm going to keep searching. I at least would like to be able to send some things to you, if nothing else. I may still have the address from when I sent you the sable plush (and Ameya the turtle), but I don't know if it's still current. Regardless, please please let me know if there's anything I can do.

I just feel so very very terrible for falling out of touch with her. Like Saitenyo mentioned in her own entry, people tend to drift in and out a lot on the internet, getting busy or losing interest, and I guess I just figured that's why I hadn't seen her much lately. I certainly thought about her often, but I regret so very very much not reaching out to her. One of the things about this that is paining me the most is the fact I never got to say goodbye . . . that I never got to tell her one last time just how very much she's meant to me and just how big a part of my life she was. And that's something I can never change now, and it's so very painful.

I just hope so much that she knew that I loved her and always wished the best for her. No one can ever replace her and I'm really and truly going to miss her. You and your family have my support and please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

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[info]champawat
2008-10-14 06:14 am UTC (link)
I'm so sorry, EN.

I don't even know what to say. She was an incredible person and she touched so many lives. I will never have any idea how she was able to do it, to be so positive and always be there for other people's problems when she had all of her own.

I will really miss her. She was a wonderful friend and there will never be anyone quite like her.

Take care of yourself, EN. I know nothing I can say can help, but you'll be in my thoughts.

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[info]aquanite
2008-10-14 06:48 am UTC (link)
Oh god I dont even know what to say

i'm so sorry.... i wish you and your family the best.. ameya will be deeply missed by so many people

<3

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[info]sergepssj
2008-10-14 06:57 am UTC (link)
I had no idea, I'm so sorry, EN.

No one can ever really know how you feel, as everyone has a different connection with each other of their own. I know that the last thing anyone wants to hear is "I know how you feel", although to some extent, I do. No where near the same as what you and her had, but I lost my brother the day after Christmas last year, and I, too, have this hole and void where he had been... I knew him for my entire life, then suddenly he was gone in a flash. I know it's not my business to even start talking about myself, but if you ever feel like you needed someone to talk to and that the circumstances of my life make you feel I could offer something to you, comfort, I hope, then I can be around for that. I know we were never around for each other much as ye olde times of TLKFAA split up into their own corners, but I still feel I have a connection with all of the people from that time, and if any of them ever really need me, I'd like to think I could be there for them. It's a pack that can't truly split.

Her imaginative and gorgeous art always made me happy, in a nostalgic sort of way, and I know I wasn't in close contact with her, but whenever I saw her name online, I would always remember the good times of the past. I am happy she is at peace, but I know how unfair it is to have a life taken away so young.

<3 Serge

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[info]tigrin
2008-10-14 07:06 am UTC (link)
I don't know what to say, I can't stop crying... I didn't even know she was in so much pain. She was such a nice person, a talented artist and creative mind, and I only wish I had half the strength and positivity she had.

I'm sorry I've fallen away so much from the community and the people who meant something to me. I know nothing I have to say will make anything better.

Please take care of yourself, I will be thinking of you.

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[info]semjay
2008-10-14 07:09 am UTC (link)
I don't even know what to say. It's been years since I ran across her name and unfortunetly its for a bad reason. I always remember her being one of the cooler people online and I know she will be missed.

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time :(

-Sema

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[info]sarakazi
2008-10-14 12:21 pm UTC (link)
I've seen her name around for so many years. This is so shocking. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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[info]toastybannana
2008-10-14 02:01 pm UTC (link)
i really just don't know what to say. i am so so sorry. she was such a wonderful person. i had no idea things had gotten this bad with her. i feel absolutely horrible.


take care of yourself, i know nothing i can say will make anything better, or less awful or anything, but i am thinking about you and your family. i seriously wish i had anything worthwhile to say, but i just can't get any words out. i'm sorry.

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[info]kristynlioness
2008-10-14 02:32 pm UTC (link)
EN I'm so very sorry this has happened. As sad as I am to have lost a friend, it must be doubly hard on you since she was your sister. I hope you know if you need anyone to talk to, you can email me or note me here or on DA anytime. I'm really going to miss her. She was a very special and sweet person. *hugs you tight* I really hope that you and your family can hang in there okay.

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[info]coalchaser
2008-10-14 03:02 pm UTC (link)
EN, I am so sorry to hear of this, Kaza was always such a sweet person who was right there if you needed her. I will keep you and your family in thoughts and prayers. <3

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[info]pikachuashnat
2008-10-14 05:01 pm UTC (link)
I am so sorry, EN. I know I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but she will be missed very much and I send you my deepest sympathies and love to you and your family during this hard time.

She was a brave and wonderful person, I will never forget her, and I'm sure no one else who has replied here will either. We all looked up to her and loved her friendship even if it was from afar on the internet. She gave me confidence and wisdom that I have always been very thankful for since the day I met her.

I hope you take care of yourself, even if it is hard. I wish you and your family the best.

-Pan

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[info]tigon
2008-10-14 05:30 pm UTC (link)
I'm so sorry EN :( I wish I could say more but I don't know what to say.

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[info]starcharmer
2008-10-14 07:11 pm UTC (link)
I didn't know her and I don't know you but...this is just the most horrible thing I've read in a really really long time. I'm crying for strangers and that does not happen to me ever.
I can't imagine what you must be going through...such pain. I know nothing anyone really says is going to make you feel better, but there are a ton of people here to support you. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through something like this. It's bad enough to lose someone, but to lose a twin...I'm sorry.

*hughugs*

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[info]aikachi
2008-10-14 07:16 pm UTC (link)
I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, or I just don't want to... I am a twin myself and I don't know what I'd do with myself if anything ever happened to my sister. You are definitely a far stronger person than I am.

I'm not sure what else to say *hugs*

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[info]foxidal
2008-10-14 07:33 pm UTC (link)
*Hugs*
I'm so, so sorry ;_;

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[info]moonfeather
2008-10-14 09:43 pm UTC (link)
Oh my god.

I just..this doesnt feel real.

She was my friend since 2002 when I met her at the lionking fanart archive website. She chatted to me alot whilst I was going through a rough year. I had a parcel here waiting to be sent to her and she knew...I just..

She was so kind to me always, and I missed her so much when we lost contact due to me moving house so muc when living with my mother.

:(

Goodbye Kaz, I love you my friend.

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[info]moonfeather
2008-10-14 09:51 pm UTC (link)
I cant see the keyboard right now...just...would you like me to still mail out the art...I wanted her to have it...she encouraged my art so much..

I have to go I cant type properly.

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[info]justblieve
2008-10-14 11:04 pm UTC (link)
I'm so so sorry EN. So many people here have already said the things I'd like to say. Kaz was such a wonderful person. She's one of the first people I remember talking to when I started in the TLK fandom and I still have art by her. She had such a creative mind and was such a nice girl. I wish I could have known her better.

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[info]thegerf
2008-10-15 12:44 am UTC (link)
I'm so sorry. I always loved talking with Kaza online, and I wish I could have had the opportunity to meet you all in person. I know you and I never really talked very much, but please know that my heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family.

If there's something I can do to help with anything, online (like Lilymud) or otherwise, please let me know.

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[info]majime
2008-10-15 12:45 am UTC (link)
Oh my god, I can't believe she's gone. D:
I'm so sorry, hun. *hugs*

I know I don't know her that well, we've only spoken once or twice and did an art trade a while back, but...she was a very talented person. Her style was more unique than anyone I've noticed on the TLKFAA and also in the rest of art community. Truly beautiful.

I hope everything goes well for you and your family.
I shall miss her deeply.

-Dagger

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[info]buttfacemakani
2008-10-15 01:06 am UTC (link)
I know we haven't been very close over the years, and I feel sick that I didn't even know her situation until now, but I wanted to say I am so saddened to hear this. You and Kaz were some of the very first people I met online.. she was always so nice and fun on the forums. Her art was one of my first inspirations. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine.

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[info]tsunami_ryuu
2008-10-15 01:43 am UTC (link)
I'm going to miss her... I'd been wondering about you guys lately, missing seeing your posts and hoping you two were doing well...

I don't know what to say. I'm so, so sorry. I really don't want to believe this. I'm still shocked by the news. Read it last night, read it again now, and it's still a punch to the gut and I still can't really take it in.

You two are both such strong, beautiful people. Kaz was always nice to everybody, without fail a good person to talk to and a level head to get advice from.

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and your family. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my sister; your hurt from losing your twin must be incredible, and I am so, so sorry. You have all my sympathies. Thank you for having the strength to let us all know about her passing, and I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

I remember something Ameya said to me when we were talking betta stuff a long time ago. We were on the topic of how fish, especially bettas, are so abused in the pet industry. Ameya said something to the effect of, there's a lot of suffering in the world and it's pretty much impossible to take it all away, but any little thing we can do -- even helping relieve the suffering of a creature as dimunitive as a fish -- helps. Even little acts of kindness add up.

That's a philosophy I carry with me today, and that I'll take with me my whole life.

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[info]kubo
2008-10-15 03:38 am UTC (link)
Oh My God.. I'm so so sorry EN. It breaks my heart to read this & realize what you & your family must be going through right now. My thoughts, prayers & all my love go out to you all..

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[info]va_kasi
2008-10-15 08:25 am UTC (link)
*hugs* Can't even think of words to say, as twins, even the thought of loosing your other half is so unbearable.
EN, you and Kaza are two of the bravest and most admirable people we've known, having trouble coping with the thought that such an amazing person has left so soon.
Thinking of you a lot *hugs again*

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[info]bovidaeloony
2008-10-15 01:27 pm UTC (link)
I'm sorry EN. I have no idea what to say or how to help. I've been in shock about this until last night.

I always, always admired her for her strength and calm eye and forgiving kindness. I'm not sure I ever really expressed to her how incredible I thought she was as a human being.

I'm so incredibly sorry I wasn't able to come visit you guys before. Everyone always assumes there will be more time... Please let us know if there's anything we can do at all.

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[info]kerijiano
2008-10-15 04:18 pm UTC (link)
you don't know me, but I've seen you around, and I found out about this sad news from lilymud... I am so sorry for your loss, even more so as you are a twin, and I cannot imagine even one of my brothers passing away.

I have seen some of her posts before, and from what I saw, she was a gentle, loving person who had one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. Some fights I have encountered were solved by her, and so I weep for you and your family. I wish I'd gotten to know her better...

Please do let us know if there is anything we can do, regardless of how small it is... <3

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[info]dynamo_hunter_a
2008-10-15 06:39 pm UTC (link)
Hey.

I heard perhaps too late about this, but I am hoping the best for you and your family. I know I might've done some stupid things in the past that caused you to be angry with me, but I never stopped caring for you or your sister as friends.

If I could offer you and your family a hug I would, but there's only so much text can do...

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[info]shaydestar
2008-10-15 06:55 pm UTC (link)
I'm so sorry.

We were never close, but I knew her name and I knew her work - she was so talented and she had such wonderful ideas. I can't imagine what you're going through. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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[info]burakkubara
2008-10-15 09:14 pm UTC (link)
Sable...I don't know what to say at the moment. I think the shock still hasn't worn off when Oktober from VHR let us know on the forum. I remember your sister fondly, she was the first to give me web hosting space, and we used to talk all the time. I remember that she was really sick, and had to leave VHR, after you left the games as well we lost touch. And in a way I'm glad to hear from you, but I wish it was under better terms. It was really shocking to that Koi passed away, I never new that her sickness was life threatening. I wish I was closer to do something, but for now my online sympathies will have to do. If you want to contact me hun, my email is JNFerrigno@gmail.com. Also http://www.virtualhorseranch.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=112545 , there are a few players on there that remember the veteren player..even Nef sends her regards.

With all my love,
Bara of Celtic Rose

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[info]shawchert
2008-10-15 11:09 pm UTC (link)
I am sooo sorry to hear what happened. I knew here off and on here and again back in the day... I wish you and your family well with the loss. I just can't imagine how you must feel *hugs* I'm praying for you all!

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[info]twinklestah
2008-10-16 08:13 pm UTC (link)
This is Cally from Lilymud.

i heard from Koudoawaia, and i felt a shiver up my spine when i read the news. i'm so, so sorry for your loss. Kaz and i had our ups and downs, yes, but i always thought her art was beautiful and indeed, SHE was a beautiful person. she was truly inspiring and a joy to speak to you, i'm glad to have...sort've...known her.

i don't really know what else to say. i'm way over here and can't offer much in the way of support, but know that i have been thinking a lot about dear Ameya, and you, and i really send you all my love.
i can't imagine how you must be feeling.

stay strong. <3

Rest in peace, Kaz.
xoxoxoxoxox

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[info]wereguitar
2008-10-16 11:46 pm UTC (link)
Nancy, I just wanted you to know that I will be there for you tomorrow.
Kyle wishes he could come with me too, because he really loves you both too, but work has him tied. I have found a way there with my Dad. He offered to drive down from Cape Breton to help me get there for you. I love you and I will see you tomorrow <3

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[info]ulfruna
2008-10-19 05:06 am UTC (link)
I wasn't a Lilymud-er for very long, and I've kept pathetic touch with very few people associated with it, but this news still aches deep. I barely know what to say... but you have my utmost sincere condolences. Just... just... damn.

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